Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Heard in the clear...

Some of the best lines I have ever heard were uttered right here in Iraq during deployment. I often kick myself for not actively writing many of these down as soon as I hear them. You really can’t make up some of the things you hear coming out of the human mouth.

A special prize goes to anyone who can figure out which one of these was spoken by America’s 1stSgt himself. Don’t be fooled, some of these sound like something I might say, but unfortunately, I can’t claim that I did.

“They’ll never have a space program until they learn to use toilet paper.”

“If it weren’t for Catholic school girls, we wouldn’t have Hooters.”

“The good thing about the Army being here is that they gym isn’t as crowded.”
(Referring to all the Army units coming in to replace their Marine counterparts so we can go kill Taliban.)

“They all should have been aborted.”

“These guys are clearly idiots.”
(The two statements above were made in reference to Americans it must be noted.)

“Can you hear me when I’m not talking?”

“I hear the word ‘roster’ and I just get pissed.”
(Rosters, and the ridiculous number of them that we have to maintain, could be the subject of its own post. And no, that was not a clue.)

“My whole day is occupied with looking out for the best interests of people other than myself.”

“The only way I ever want to come back to Iraq is to supervise the cleanup of the radioactive ash.”

“I tell you what, there ain’t nobody in Al Queda doin’ no 4 minute Fran.”

“Hope is not a COA (course of action).”

“Ain’t no sick call in the Taliban!”

"There is no problem that can't be solved by stepping on someone's neck."

"Brute force and ignorance will get the job done every time."

So, any takers?

25 comments:

Red said...

Wow... there are some doozies there! I'm going to guess that the 1st Sgt said "Hope is not a COA" Am I right? I'm probably wrong.

CI-Roller Dude said...

Top,
I've posted this one, a quote one of my team members wrote down when we were in the Fallujah in the end of 04 when we were going to roll into the city with one other Marine Humvee. My lads were a little worried:
"Boys, we need to eat a big breakfast...eggs, bacon, oatmeal, coffee, toast, orange juice...eat as much as you can today!"

My #2 looked at me with a puzzled face and I responded with:
"Man, you can't shit your pants in fear with an empty stomach...eat up!"

Akelamalu said...

Did you say

"There is no problem that can't be solved by stepping on someone's neck."

????

Becky said...

I'm going with "Can you hear me when I'm not talking?"

Trudy said...

I'll take "Catholic school girls and Hooters" for $200, Alex.

jennylsims said...

I'm guessing you said "There is no problem that can't be solved by stepping on someone's neck."


If it wasn't you, it was someone who obviously looks up to you.

Shay said...

Brute force and ignorance will get the job done every time.

I'm going to embroider this on a pillow.

Southern (in)Sanity said...

I wanted to guess that you said, "If it weren’t for Catholic school girls, we wouldn’t have Hooters.”

But my guess is, “They all should have been aborted.”

Kanani said...

“Can you hear me when I’m not talking?”

katherine. said...

I was going with
Hope is not a COA

but that was taken so how about...

My whole day is occupied with looking out for the best interests of people other than myself

America's 1st Sgt. said...

Red, incorrect! However, the idea that having hope is not a course ofaction really tickles us to no end.

Akelamalu & jennylisims incorrect! This was said in reference of methough (so jenny is half right). There is a scene in The Lion King whereSimba steps on Mufasa's throat near the end of the film which brought onthat quote.

Trudy, no but it was one of the other 1stSgts.

Southern, wrong and wrong! The aborted quote came from my Company XO inreference to everyone else in H&S Company.

Kanani, really? I mean really? Incorrect! This was the MEF SgtMajspeaking into a microphone at a large Staff NCO gathering at the theatreon base. We all kind of just raised our eyebrows at him.

CI Roller, classic! Would it be okay if I use that myself some time?

Becky, I am disturbed that both you and Kanani think I am that addled.

Shay, unfortunately I did not compose this classic pearl of wisdom. Ican attribute this to a SgtMaj Daniels whom I have never met but am toldhad a unique perspective to say the least.

Katherine, you are perceptive but also wrong. This was uttered by myCompany Commander some time last week and I thought it summed up ourentire deployment.

jennylsims said...

Shoot, I figured I had it. My next guess would be “The good thing about the Army being here is that they gym isn’t as crowded.”

Arli said...

Well, there weren't too many that hadn't been ruled out by the time I read this post, but the first one made me spit coffee over the keyboard. So, I'm going with the toilet paper/space program comment. I wish the people I work with were that funny.

Kanani said...

So, what kind of PRIZE does the winner get?
Or maybe we can just start making up things that you said, like;

"Yeah, I'm so zen, when I shit, I don't even know it."

Wrexie said...

I'm staying with...
“These guys are clearly idiots.”

If you didn't say it, you should have because it is very Princess Brideish, which makes it funny.

CI-Roller Dude said...

Top you may use my quote, but what do you think them Devil Dogs would think if you said you heard it from an Old Army NCO?

America's 1st Sgt. said...

Jenny, don't feel bad you were on the right track and came close.

Arli, we have to be that funny or we'd all go completely insane. The
space program quote is probably my favorite as well but unfortunately I
didn't conceive of that brilliant remark.

Kanani, I see that you have gone mercenary and only participate for
"prizes". I am disappointed. And I am in fact not zen; when I hit the
crapper everyone knows it. Ooh, was that too much info?

Wrexie, that wasn't me but I also thought it was clearly hilarious.

CI Roller, Army? What? Who? Uh?

Kanani said...

"when I hit the
crapper everyone knows it."


Sounds like you just wrote your personal motto!

Travis said...

On my honor I did not look at any other posts that might have answers to this challenge. So may I still guess?

Did you perhaps say, “I hear the word ‘roster’ and I just get pissed.”

America's 1st Sgt. said...

Travis, I am sorry but I did not say that. But is it true though thatword roster in my world ranks right up there with cancer. Good guess.

bobbykro said...

:D!!

Sam said...

Hello 1st Sgt, my husband said he personally heard you say “The only way I ever want to come back to Iraq is to supervise the cleanup of the radioactive ash.”

BTW I will have your magazine(s) for you when you get off the plane =)

Coffeypot said...

I believe you said, “The good thing about the Army being here is that they gym isn’t as crowded.”

You mention somehting about this earlier in your posts with a picture.

America's 1st Sgt. said...

Sam, you are a cheater! Cheat! You are also correct and thanks for the magazines. You may have made my entire 96! :-)

Coffee, as noted Sam was correct but since she had to cheat I see no reason to doll out a prize. I did make fun of one of my Army buddies that worked out with me. For the most part, yeah, they aren't so much with the physical fitness like Marines generally are.

Sam said...

Me cheat, I would never! I just have a little thing called connections and my best connection just happens to be the same person to bless me with his last name.

And I don't need a prize, my prize will be home soon enough =)