Saturday, September 3, 2011

Days of Living Frigidly

29 Palms, California.

February of 2009 saw America’s Battalion wintering at Camp Wilson in the scenic Mojave Desert. This was our final major training cycle before deployment to even more scenic Iraq.  Generally, when people hear the word “desert” and “Mojave” in the same sentence they associate it with the word “furnace”.  During our last Mojave Viper training cycle in 2007 Marines were shambling off the ranges at the end of the day resembling mummified corpses wrapped in smoldering body armor. Fortunately, a zealous approach to the consumption of water seemed to keep the incidents of spontaneous human combustion to a minimum.

This trip it appeared there was indeed such a thing as winter in the desert. I would never have believed it as our last adventure there drug us to the very lip of hellfire itself.  During the day it wasn't so bad. As soon as the giant heat tab set in the west, the temperature plummeted sending us all sprinting to our sleeping bags like wailing children.  So intense was this daily cold snap we had decided to rename the training evolution Valley Forge Viper. To add to the discomfort military engineers devised various ingenious ways to maintain a proper level of misery in keeping with the highest traditions of U.S. Naval service.

For instance, all the Marines were housed in metal buildings known as K-Spans. The K stands for, “kill everyone who sleeps in here”.  The diabolical mastermind who designed these buildings somehow engineered them so they retain heat in the summer and expel heat in the winter.  It was actually colder inside the K-Span than the bitterly frigid outside. I suspect the purpose of this was to cheerfully drive us outside in an effort to get Marines to train. Twenty First Century technology is a marvel to behold.

Another clever device was the shower trailer.  The shower trailer was a training tool designed to hone a Marine’s reflexes and situational awareness until they were razor sharp. Upon entering the shower trailer the Marine’s senses had to remain keen as he was never quite sure what was going to happen. As a matter of fact, no two experiences in the shower trailer were ever the same.  The hot  water faucet might actually be cold and the cold scalding hot. Upon turning on the water, it could shoot out of the pipes, the faucet, the walls, or even the drain. Occasionally it even came out of the shower head.  Once, without our knowledge, all the shower heads were replaced with flame throwers. Who said personal hygiene had to be uneventful?

I suppose if it all came easy it wouldn't be the Marine Corps. Sometimes it's a hard life and others it's the time of your life. There is a reason it is referred to as service and sacrifice. Wherever they are right now, Americans can be sure their Marines are meeting and exceeding expectations and continue to do those things others are unwilling or incapable of doing. They are the good guys. Rumors to the contrary are generated by lesser men who will never know or understand what it is to be part of our tribe.

Semper Fidelis!
America’s 1stSgt
Enduring the suck so you don’t have to

8 comments:

OkieRover said...

I remember Camp Wilson circa 1985. The tin buildings we used were barely housing. The heat was an oppressive 125 during the day. Thank you for enduring, I wish I could be right there beside you. Semper Fi. Let the boys know we appreciate there service as well.

America's 1st Sgt. said...

Okie, I suppose the accommodations are considerably better than 1985. I thought it was an improvement when they poured concrete in the floors instead of just dirt. Turns out the concrete actually siphons your soul right through your cot and into the cold hard ground.

TheNewMagoo said...

So is this why Marines grow moustaches? Every little bit of extra insulation helps, right?

Shay said...

Please tell me that those cute little kangaroo rats we used to feed poundcake to are still around.

Watching a kangaroo rat try to drag an entire poundcake away with him was the high point of our training day.

Wrexie said...

Glad to hear your sense of humor didn't go down the drain. Of course we could never believe rumors that tribal Marines can't bravely endure all that nature and mankind (or posessed showers) can flame-throw at them. (But I won't mention anything else about flame terminology...)

NavyOne said...

On a recent episode of 1 Man Army, a young Marine crushed: an Army O, an AF O, and a Dallas cop. Good stuff. . . Frigid living helped him no doubt.

Saker said...

Ha! I love the shower description. That's exactly what the shower trailers are like here in AfStan. Except the flamethrower part. Thank God.

America's 1st Sgt. said...

Magoo, I will not dignify that with a response. Oh wait...

Shay, I think the kangaroo rats left for warmer/cooler climes.

Wrexie, I still have pictures. Perhaps I should share them with NavyOne?

Saker, when a shower head gushes fire at least it's warm. Amazes me we can get a Pizza Hut way out there but not a working shower.