Thursday, December 20, 2012

Feel better about the Mayan apocalypse

Despite the fact Mayan civilization failed to even produce a wheel or predict the day Conquistadors landed, there seems to be a lot of gravity given to the end of their calendar. The Camp of the Praetorians wants to make your transition to a post apocalyptic world less fearful and more cuddly.

Introducing Apocalypse Kitten!

Apoca-kitty takes a turkey peak over the couch. Keeping a low profile is important when the schumer hits the fan.
 Apocalypse Kitty wants you to know the end of the world as we know it doesn't have to be as gloomy as you've been led to believe. With a little prior planning, you too can prevent a piss poor apocalypse.

Apoca-kitty selects his bug out gear. A good tomahawk is handy when prying open the odd can of tuna.
Apocalypse Kitty also advises continuous training in order to keep your individual skills sharp.

Here Apoca-Kitty practices urban camouflage and concealment. Can you spot him?
Always keeping his weapons within paws reach, Apocalypse Kitty is ready for action in the blink of an eye.

"Say when."
Contagion, asteroids, or aliens, Apocalypse Kitten recommends your plan remain flexible in order to respond to all variables. He generally believes if your plan can survive the undead it will endure any emergency. Plenty of cat nip is a good start.

Feel better now?

* Disclaimer: America's SgtMaj does not endorse anything "cute" as a general rule. It is not a word in his lexicon. The only reason the Apocalypse Kitten is allowed to reside under the same roof is his penchant for edged weapons and potential mousing capability. *

Semper Fidelis,
America's SgtMaj

21 comments:

Sisu said...

Well, he keeps at least 16 (unless he is one of the 5 toed Slayers of the Apocalypse) sharp, pointy weapons on his person (kitten-son? Feline-son?)at all times which he sharpens daily to keep battle ready. (Usually on your leg.) Seems worthy to abide in the house of Praetoria. Hapy Holidays!

TheNewMagoo said...

America's Kitten sure looks mean.

But his inexperience is showing, he's succumbed to the classic cat trap in pic 3

http://imgur.com/a/IxlVM#0

Lin Barker said...

Err, what's next? Hello Kitty of the Apocalypse?

America's SgtMaj. said...

To all, I have no idea who let that creature in my house. I take no responsibility for any collateral damage he may cause.

Paxford said...

*reads the disclaimer and laughs and laughs*

Sure... keep telling yourself it's a bonding of "necessity" - we believe you :D

Pax

Coffeypot said...

Yep, you are married.

Well Seasoned Fool said...

Not because of jawohl, Frau Hauptfeldwebel?

America's SgtMaj. said...

Pax, it's all about perception.

Coffey, one has to make the best of any given situation.

Well Seasoned Fool, one always responds to Frau Hauptfeldwebel with a hearty "jawohl!"

Leslie said...

Hello Kitty of the Apocalypse will slay zombie mice for tuna......
and can double as a lap warmer.

Anonymous said...

America's SgtMaj:

Nice cat. First thing to teach the cat is the meaning of the word no. Next thing is to show up when you open the food container. (Oh, right. The cat already has that one down.)

Paul L. Quandt

America's SgtMaj. said...

Leslie, Apocalypse Kitten merchendise is pending. Don't you dare copy me!

Paul, I communicate with it in its own language, mostly growling and hissing.

Mark said...

This shows us that ASM has a softer side from time to time. Dont worry we wont tell any of your Marines.

BTW Today is the end of the world, see you tomorrow.

Kanani said...

He's fluffy & cute. Two things I'd never thought I'd say on your blog!

OkieRover said...

Just say it, damn. The reason you have been on hiatus with your posts is you have a new woman in your life.
Women = kittens, Occam's Razor.
Now if Apoca-Kitty was a 400 pound attack Bengal tiger, then I would believe you don't endorse any kitten cuteness. Living with a mountain lion is about as manly as you can get. Thundercats!

Lin Barker said...

I don't mind cats so much, I used to have an old Tom that adopted me and let me feed him. I'll warn you that I'll leave when you start with Unicorns, though.

America's SgtMaj. said...

Mark, both statements are a complete fabrication.

Kanani, I had to use a dictionary to find out what those words meant.

Okie, in all seriousness Nov and Dec on I&I is pretty much all about Toys for Tots and military funeral honors. It's all we have time for. We've processed some 240,000 toys and have done 11 funerals this week alone.

Lin, smack yourself in the mouth right now. As if...

Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas to your whole household Sergeant Major. Post us a pic when Corporal Cat brings the holiday tree down. - Zail

J said...

Uh oh. Burke has a kitty cat. It's the end of the world as we know it.
Glad to see you have not suffered any damage to your funny bone. :)

Merry Christmas...to you AND Apocalypta.

America's SgtMaj. said...

Zail, no problem. Will post pics of his reduction in rank during non judicial punishment.

J, let me reiterate I do not own a cat. The Apocalypse Kitten is merely a tolerated room mate.

Mark said...

Well we made it I guess the Myans were wrong, Apocalypse kitty can stand down and resume cleaning her fur and sharpening her nails of your couch.

Shay said...

I agree with J (although the spousa unit is convinced the world ended when they made an aviator Commandant).