Real life is a "hot mike." Remarks made in the open are too good an opportunity not to have a pen and paper handy. Here is an offering of one liners (occasionally two) recorded for posterity.
Reaction to the latest headlines and what the media decides is news is often a source of philosophical insight:
"When I see Miley Cyrus at the VMA's I think: Yeah, guess that's what I've been fighting for. I'm so proud of me."
"Fast food workers going on strike is rather comical. You mean we'll be forced to eat healthy food? The horror!"
"Don't worry Marines. If you fail in your assigned tasks and duties I will simply reassign your gender, which will make it all better."
"The news is showing fast food workers shouting: No justice! No peace! Are they going to start a food fight?"
"I know some twits, but I don't Twitter."
There's getting adjusted to married life, and then there's adjusting to the fact you married a Marine:
Him: "Every 5 min on the phone in my official capacity is another 20 ranting, until my wife declares unless I stop cursing she'll send me to my room."
Her: "You don't have to be early to everything!"
Him: "The other day I had to explain to my wife the term: 'Shoot the closest alligator to the boat.' She remarked it was the dumbest metaphor she had ever heard. I began to argue the point when it occurred to me, in a woman's mind the alligators are attacking the boat all at once."
Him: "Honey you look fine."
Her: "We're going to Walmart. I don't want to look like I belong there."
Him: "Men, when you're walking by the laundry room and your wife says: 'Why don't you take off those pants?' It's not what you think it is."
Finally, just a reminder it's back to school time:
"I like to imagine school buses are big yellow sharks gobbling up kids while on my way to work. Yeah, I need another cup of coffee."